Facebook
Is there such a thing as gracious unfriending?
February 28, 2009 Filed in: Cyberspace
2.0
Like everyone else who’s been on Facebook for a
while, I’ve accumulated quite a few friends on
Facebook (though not anywhere 300 of them, which I’m
told is the average number of friends an average
Facebook user has). They are real-life family and
friends and colleagues, acquaintances, and that
curious phenomenon, “Facebook friends” - people with
whom you really only have a connection with within
the Facebook realm for one reason or another.
When I first joined Facebook, there were distressingly few people I knew on it (two, amidst the UCLA network of about 45,000 at the time). So during an information studies class at which I was guest speaker, I described my personal struggle to overcome knee-jerk privacy concerns in setting up my Facebook profile; and ended by asking a favor of the students: would you be my (Facebook) friend? A dozen of them graciously invited me to be their friend - something I greatly appreciate to this day. A big thank you to them.
So I get a little glimpse into the lives of these students through Facebook, people who I have only met once. And presumably vice versa, unless they’ve told Facebook not to show them stuff from me. But I always wonder if this isn’t just a nuisance to them; or worse, some form of invasion of privacy, given I am essentially otherwise a total stranger.
And yet, what can you do if you no longer want to be someone’s (Facebook) friend, for whatever reason? Is there any gracious way of “unfriending” someone, without offending them or hurting them? (This is a variant of wanting to say “no” to an invitation to be someone’s friend: inevitably, if you’ve been on Facebook for a while, all sorts of people come out of the woodwork wanting to be your friend - many genuinely a pleasant surprise, others not so much so. It’s even trickier if it’s someone work-related.) Others have explored this conundrum.
But I have a solution to propose: an annual no harm, no foul “unfriending” period, during which anyone would be free to unfriend me, for whatever reason, without explanation, and I promise not to feel offended or hurt or to ask why. (Of course, conversely don’t try doing this outside this period or I will be offended! :-) Sort of like the open enrollment month we get every year to change our selections for health care options and other benefits at work.
I started thinking about offering the month of January 2009 for this purpose, but didn’t manage to execute. Perhaps I’ll aim for every November, which coincides with UC’s open enrollment period instead.
What do you think?
When I first joined Facebook, there were distressingly few people I knew on it (two, amidst the UCLA network of about 45,000 at the time). So during an information studies class at which I was guest speaker, I described my personal struggle to overcome knee-jerk privacy concerns in setting up my Facebook profile; and ended by asking a favor of the students: would you be my (Facebook) friend? A dozen of them graciously invited me to be their friend - something I greatly appreciate to this day. A big thank you to them.
So I get a little glimpse into the lives of these students through Facebook, people who I have only met once. And presumably vice versa, unless they’ve told Facebook not to show them stuff from me. But I always wonder if this isn’t just a nuisance to them; or worse, some form of invasion of privacy, given I am essentially otherwise a total stranger.
And yet, what can you do if you no longer want to be someone’s (Facebook) friend, for whatever reason? Is there any gracious way of “unfriending” someone, without offending them or hurting them? (This is a variant of wanting to say “no” to an invitation to be someone’s friend: inevitably, if you’ve been on Facebook for a while, all sorts of people come out of the woodwork wanting to be your friend - many genuinely a pleasant surprise, others not so much so. It’s even trickier if it’s someone work-related.) Others have explored this conundrum.
But I have a solution to propose: an annual no harm, no foul “unfriending” period, during which anyone would be free to unfriend me, for whatever reason, without explanation, and I promise not to feel offended or hurt or to ask why. (Of course, conversely don’t try doing this outside this period or I will be offended! :-) Sort of like the open enrollment month we get every year to change our selections for health care options and other benefits at work.
I started thinking about offering the month of January 2009 for this purpose, but didn’t manage to execute. Perhaps I’ll aim for every November, which coincides with UC’s open enrollment period instead.
What do you think?
Facebook privacy for novices, employers and ... everyone
February 15, 2009 Filed in: Privacy
If you’re a Facebook user, you really must read
10 Privacy Settings Every
Facebook User Should Know.
If you’re a novice Facebook user, Too Much Information: On social networking sites, you may be giving away more than you think is a quick place to start thinking about privacy issues. You wouldn’t want to be this poor dude interviewing for a job (1 minute video), would you?
On the flip side, if you’re an employer, some food for thought in Why employers should reconsider Facebook fishing. It really may be possible to know too much about people you are considering hiring!
Finally, it appears that Facebook has changed its terms of service to say it can keep and use any material you have put on Facebook even if you should close your account with them. Is this egregious or simply pratical? In the end, you’ll have to decide. [Update: Lots of controversy; revision rescinded; but more to come...]
If you’re a novice Facebook user, Too Much Information: On social networking sites, you may be giving away more than you think is a quick place to start thinking about privacy issues. You wouldn’t want to be this poor dude interviewing for a job (1 minute video), would you?
On the flip side, if you’re an employer, some food for thought in Why employers should reconsider Facebook fishing. It really may be possible to know too much about people you are considering hiring!
Finally, it appears that Facebook has changed its terms of service to say it can keep and use any material you have put on Facebook even if you should close your account with them. Is this egregious or simply pratical? In the end, you’ll have to decide. [Update: Lots of controversy; revision rescinded; but more to come...]
The (working professional's) Facebook dilemma
September 09, 2007 Filed in: Privacy
The recent Business week column, O.K. (Sigh), I'll Join
Facebook, hit the nail right on the head for
me: having overcome many of my privacy concerns
(I guess some would call these hangups) about
being on Facebook (with picture and all), I was
still a bit uneasy. Why? The column's tag line -
"But its mashup of friends and business is a bit
unnerving" - is the real issue: unlike Linkedin,
which is clear about a professional bent (you'd
be very aware of what you put there if you're
looking for a job, which I assume many are),
Facebook blurs people from different parts of
your life. Is this just another hangup I need to
get over?
But I have another concern as well. My Facebook profile is tied to my UCLA email account. California Public Records Act requests, subpoenas, litigation and therefore e-discovery are all significantly on the rise. Do I really want to be increasingly mix my personal content with work content in this environment, in spite of the strong incidental personal use provisions embedded in the UC Electronic Communications Policy? I could use a different email account, but then I couldn't be part of the UCLA network on Facebook. [Update: Actually, that’s not true. You only have to use an email account once to prove your membership in a group, and then you can change to another one.]
But I have another concern as well. My Facebook profile is tied to my UCLA email account. California Public Records Act requests, subpoenas, litigation and therefore e-discovery are all significantly on the rise. Do I really want to be increasingly mix my personal content with work content in this environment, in spite of the strong incidental personal use provisions embedded in the UC Electronic Communications Policy? I could use a different email account, but then I couldn't be part of the UCLA network on Facebook. [Update: Actually, that’s not true. You only have to use an email account once to prove your membership in a group, and then you can change to another one.]
Viewing American class divisions through Facebook and MySpace
June 27, 2007 Filed in: The real
world
"Some teens are flocking to MySpace. And some teens
are flocking to Facebook. Who goes where gets kinda
sticky... probably because it seems to primarily have
to do with socio-economic class."
boyd, danah. 2007. "Viewing American class divisions through Facebook and MySpace ." Apophenia Blog Essay. June 24 .
boyd, danah. 2007. "Viewing American class divisions through Facebook and MySpace ." Apophenia Blog Essay. June 24 .