Is there such a thing as gracious unfriending?
February 28, 2009 Filed in: Cyberspace
2.0
Like everyone else who’s been on Facebook for a
while, I’ve accumulated quite a few friends on
Facebook (though not anywhere 300 of them, which I’m
told is the average number of friends an average
Facebook user has). They are real-life family and
friends and colleagues, acquaintances, and that
curious phenomenon, “Facebook friends” - people with
whom you really only have a connection with within
the Facebook realm for one reason or another.
When I first joined Facebook, there were distressingly few people I knew on it (two, amidst the UCLA network of about 45,000 at the time). So during an information studies class at which I was guest speaker, I described my personal struggle to overcome knee-jerk privacy concerns in setting up my Facebook profile; and ended by asking a favor of the students: would you be my (Facebook) friend? A dozen of them graciously invited me to be their friend - something I greatly appreciate to this day. A big thank you to them.
So I get a little glimpse into the lives of these students through Facebook, people who I have only met once. And presumably vice versa, unless they’ve told Facebook not to show them stuff from me. But I always wonder if this isn’t just a nuisance to them; or worse, some form of invasion of privacy, given I am essentially otherwise a total stranger.
And yet, what can you do if you no longer want to be someone’s (Facebook) friend, for whatever reason? Is there any gracious way of “unfriending” someone, without offending them or hurting them? (This is a variant of wanting to say “no” to an invitation to be someone’s friend: inevitably, if you’ve been on Facebook for a while, all sorts of people come out of the woodwork wanting to be your friend - many genuinely a pleasant surprise, others not so much so. It’s even trickier if it’s someone work-related.) Others have explored this conundrum.
But I have a solution to propose: an annual no harm, no foul “unfriending” period, during which anyone would be free to unfriend me, for whatever reason, without explanation, and I promise not to feel offended or hurt or to ask why. (Of course, conversely don’t try doing this outside this period or I will be offended! :-) Sort of like the open enrollment month we get every year to change our selections for health care options and other benefits at work.
I started thinking about offering the month of January 2009 for this purpose, but didn’t manage to execute. Perhaps I’ll aim for every November, which coincides with UC’s open enrollment period instead.
What do you think?
When I first joined Facebook, there were distressingly few people I knew on it (two, amidst the UCLA network of about 45,000 at the time). So during an information studies class at which I was guest speaker, I described my personal struggle to overcome knee-jerk privacy concerns in setting up my Facebook profile; and ended by asking a favor of the students: would you be my (Facebook) friend? A dozen of them graciously invited me to be their friend - something I greatly appreciate to this day. A big thank you to them.
So I get a little glimpse into the lives of these students through Facebook, people who I have only met once. And presumably vice versa, unless they’ve told Facebook not to show them stuff from me. But I always wonder if this isn’t just a nuisance to them; or worse, some form of invasion of privacy, given I am essentially otherwise a total stranger.
And yet, what can you do if you no longer want to be someone’s (Facebook) friend, for whatever reason? Is there any gracious way of “unfriending” someone, without offending them or hurting them? (This is a variant of wanting to say “no” to an invitation to be someone’s friend: inevitably, if you’ve been on Facebook for a while, all sorts of people come out of the woodwork wanting to be your friend - many genuinely a pleasant surprise, others not so much so. It’s even trickier if it’s someone work-related.) Others have explored this conundrum.
But I have a solution to propose: an annual no harm, no foul “unfriending” period, during which anyone would be free to unfriend me, for whatever reason, without explanation, and I promise not to feel offended or hurt or to ask why. (Of course, conversely don’t try doing this outside this period or I will be offended! :-) Sort of like the open enrollment month we get every year to change our selections for health care options and other benefits at work.
I started thinking about offering the month of January 2009 for this purpose, but didn’t manage to execute. Perhaps I’ll aim for every November, which coincides with UC’s open enrollment period instead.
What do you think?